Dear TiVo

tivo
Originally uploaded by cmtomlin.

It all started as a crush. I simply admired you from afar, you were so cool. I was really jealous of your friends. They got to spend all this time from you, and it was like you didn't even know I existed. I always heard "TiVo this," and "TiVo that," and it just made me like you more. I tried to make myself accessible, you know? Hanging around when I'd see you at Circuit City or Best Buy.

Then we finally got together. I couldn't believe it! We would sit around at home, watching Conan and Letterman together, just happy to be with one another. Remember that time you recorded Vh1's Behind the Music: Motley Crue for me as a surprise? That was hilarious, wasn't it? I mean, without you, I wouldn't have even known that was on.

True, we've had our spats. I mean, I know you think I'd like Moesha for some reason, but I'm just not that into it. And I know I watch Adult Swim, but you should know that doesn't mean I also want to watch The Animated Adventures of Jackie Chan. Oh, oh, don't cry -- it's okay. Sssshh. I know you're just trying to help. And just so you know, in the future, I do like CSI but you know, TiVo, it's on a lot in syndication. You really only need to record the first-run episodes for me. I don't need it seven times a day. Hey, look at me...look at me TiVo...this only makes us stronger as a couple. A relationship is a growing process. I'm just trying to be honest with you. Communication is what it's all about, right?

No, I'm not being hard on you. I promise. No, don't go! Stay? Please? There are so many good things about "us." I mean, last week you recorded Raiders of the Lost Ark for me, and I didn't even have to ask you. You know that's one of my favorites. And it's moments like those I remember all the good times. Yes, I'm sorry I cleared those three episodes of Wings. Yes, I know you did that for me. And I did appreciate it, even if I didn't watch them. I'd seen one of them already, that's all.

Hey, c'mere. Listen to me. No, we're not breaking up. If anything, our relationship is stronger than it's ever been. Listen, I'll make it up to you. We'll watch Friday the 13th XI this weekend, okay? Just me and you. All I'm saying, though, is this -- just because I like Friday the 13th movie doesn't mean that I want to watch Anaconda. Okay? It's nothing against you. I promise.

What? Awwww, TiVo. You recorded Biography: Robert Urich for me? Sure. You know I'm not crazy about Robert Urich, but I'll watch that with you. See? That's what I'm talking about -- it's all about compromise. We'll get through this.

So we're okay now, right? Don't get quiet...we're okay? Good. Thanks for listening to me. I just had to get some things off my chest. I'll make it up to you, okay? We'll get away together. It'll be good for us. Just you, me, and 79,000 feet of phone cord. Because you know I can't miss Celebrity Poker.



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